Do you come across people that feel the uncontrollable need to judge you when they find out that you got married young? I do…ALL THE TIME! I usually don’t say anything when they make their snide comments or rude facial expressions. I politely tell them no when they ask me “Were you pregnant?’ (Which is incredibly offensive) I laugh it off when they tell me “Oh honey, you are throwing your life away”…or my personal favorite “You need to experience more before you decide to settle down”.
What they really mean is that I have not slept with enough people to fit into societies standards, I have not had enough drunken nights that I cannot remember, I have not experienced a one night stand, I have not gone out (dressed in next to nothing) and let random men touch me and tell me what they think I want to hear. That is my translation at least because these are some of the stories of their “glory days” that I am “missing out on”. I decided to change my way of thinking and instead of letting their ignorance anger me, I just happily relish in the truth that I know and am extremely grateful for…
I think in today’s society everyone is so afraid of commitment because they are afraid of hard work! They think that if they marry someone then they are stuck with them forever and it is like being chained down. If you feel this way…then I agree you should not marry that person.
The person you should marry is the person that you could not imagine spending one day without. They should be a person that you want by your side when you face the most difficult obstacles that life can throw your way. This person should be one of the reasons why you want to be the best version of you that you can be! Personally, I had no questions about that when it came to marrying my husband. I knew that even if we were dirt poor and in a terrible situation, his hand would be the hand that I would want to be holding.
I married my best friend
Cliche…right? Well it is true! When you marry a person who is also your best friend it is like hitting the jackpot! Friendship is an awesome foundation to build on top of. So no, I never went out to bars to meet men. I never met and dated anyone from a dating app. I have never “hooked up” with someone that I did not know. The person I chose to date I had known for most of my life. This has helped our marriage tremendously! I know my husband through and through. I love him for who he is and I have NEVER expected him to change into something that he is not.
We have a lot in common and share most of the same interests. We agree on all the “big” life and parenting decisions and as for the ones that we do not, we respect each other enough to consider the other person and come to a compromise. One important thing to note is that we also have separate interests. There are things that he loves to do on his own that I do not like and vice versa. Even though you love someone, you still need time away from each other to do things for yourself!
I wanted us to have “us” time
People claim that you miss out on so much. I would beg to differ because in our case, getting married young allowed us to have time together before other things complicated it. By other things I am referring to buying a house, having children, and so forth. Those are all important steps to take in life but for us they were steps that we did not want to take immediately.
When you get married later in life there is more pressure to do these things quickly or you may find yourself just molding into your spouse’s life and not really creating one together because they had already done these things. By getting married young we had time to do things together with few obligations. My husband and I are very spontaneous and used to just get up and leave on small trips at the drop of a hat. Those are all memories that we will cherish forever.
We experience things together
Have you ever been sitting at the dinner table listening to your spouse talk about their favorite life memories with others around you? Everyone is laughing and reminiscing while you sit back and smile because you have no clue what they are talking about? Our stories are shared with each other! I am not talking about childhood memories alone, but college memories, graduation, and all the memories from our 20’s!
We do all the “normal” things that couples do in their early lives except instead of doing them while searching for our significant other, that piece of the puzzle is already solved!
Being married does not mean that you have to “miss out” or you can’t have nights out with friends…You can still do all the same things, you are just respectful of your spouse. We had no problem with this because we are old souls anyways 🙂
We were not already stuck in our ways!
This can be a huge deal breaker when couples move in together! You have each lived alone separately and have your own way of doing everything! This is especially bad when you have lived alone for a long time…If you are unwilling to compromise it can make living with one another almost unbearable! Getting married young allowed us to create all of these habits together. I am not saying that it was all peaches and cream…but it was easier to find ways to do things together from the get go than to try and change our set ways!
I LOVE this one and it is often overlooked! Starting out our lives together allowed us to set our goals and dreams from the beginning. It also allowed us to choose together what debt we were willing to get into. Neither of us had a ton of prior debt/financial baggage when we got together and that helped us create a healthy financial future from the very beginning! This is one reason why we were able to buy our first house in our early twenties! In our early twenties we were financially where most of our thirty something friends are now.
We have our whole life to live & learn
I will never say that we had or have it all figured out! But we do have our entire life ahead of us to learn. Through trial and error we have been able to see what things are good/bad for our marriage and our parenting skills. Have you ever heard of some companies hiring young/inexperienced people over older/experienced people because they want to start with a blank slate and train them the way that they want? This is exactly what I think about with our marriage. Everything was a first for us! It was a blank slate. Neither of us had previous marriages/children etc. Nothing to compare to or have preconceived notions about.
We want a big family 🙂
This takes time! I do not think that I have the mental fortitude to have all of my children back to back. In fact, after we had our first daughter we both decided that we wanted to wait a little while before having another. The best part…that is okay! There is no biological clock ticking here…so we have plenty of time to decide when it will be right to try for another child.
Getting married young is not for everyone! It takes tons of patience and a willingness to compromise and WORK HARD. Nothing worth having comes easy, and in my opinion, it is totally worth it:)